Bella's Playlist
by x.o.Jane.x.o
Summary: Edward left Bella and now Jake is her boyfriend. Unable to tell him everything because of the ongoing pain of heartbreak she sings to him in a voice like an angels instead. But when Edward comes back...
1. Unlove You

Chapter One: Unlove You

I sighed as the bell finally rang. I was relieved as I walked out of the classroom, the science classroom, the classroom with the worst memories in my opinion, the one with _him_ written all over. Thankfully, I had Jake now. He was a great boyfriend, he may not be some vampire but he was a pretty sexy werewolf, if you don't mind me thinking. I had a bigger family than ever. Leah might not be better sister than Alice but she was still there for me when I feel like an outsider and for girl night outs. Embry and Quil were great brothers and Sam was a father for the things I couldn't tell Charlie. I talked to Emily as well about things that were confusing in my life and they all supported me in everything. They let me live on the risky edge of things and have my freedom it was the best.

As I walked out of class I felt warm arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. I knew immediately by the woodsy smell of his skin that it was Jacob. I smiled as he spun me around to face him. Jake's dark brown eyes were dancing and his black hair was shaggy. His blinding white smile made me feel happy and he gently pressed his lips to mine. I stood up on my tiptoes and tangled my fingers in his hair pulling him closer to me. He pulled away not letting the kiss get too heated and anyways people were beginning to stare. I blushed cherry tomato red as we walked outside.

I walked to my Chevy truck and spun around. Jake was lagging behind me talking to Quil. "Think fast!" I called throwing the keys at Jake. Immediately he looked up and caught them in his right hand with speed that was slightly too fast for a human.

He quickly said goodbye to Quil and ran over to me picking me up and swinging me over his shoulders. I laughed thrashing my arms around and struggling as he spun me around on his shoulders. "Let me go!"

He laughed. "No way! I can't believe you threw keys at me!"

"I said 'think fast'," I whined.

He put me down on the ground and I huffed as I hit it. I walked over to the other side and got in the passenger seat. I welcomed the warm air gladly, shivering slightly. Jake got in the other side and we drove down to La Push.

As soon as we reached the beach I clambered out of the Chevy and ran carefully down to the sandy shore. I ran until I reached the water and the tips of my worn out sneakers were being brushed by the salty substance. Jake was close behind me.

He took his warm big hand with my small one and we began walking down the beach. "How was your day?" He asked, smiling.

_It could be better,_ was my immediate thought every single time he asked because I knew it was true. "Great," I said smiling. We walked down the beach and I looked at my watch. It was 3:55 and I also checked the date. I felt tears gather in my eyes when I realized the date. Seven months had passed since he left me. Seven months of hollow life, seven months of trying to unlove him, seven months of a hole in my chest which Jacob was trying so hard to stitch together, seven months of no him.

He noticed a tear slide down my cheek. "Bells? Hey sweetie, what's wrong?" He wiped the tear off my cheek. I shook my head. "Do you want to go to your meadow?" He asked. More tears spilled as he mentioned that and a sob ripped out of my chest. It used to be _our_ meadow, mine and _his_.

A look of concern crossed his face as picked me up and placed him in his lap. I curled close to him, crying. I knew it was utterly unfair that Jake had to see me this way, still crying over _him_ but I knew he would do whatever it takes to keep me alive and somewhat happy. He wrapped his warm around me. "Bella? Listen to me, do you want to go to the meadow and then you find a song to sing to me that's related to _him_." His voice turned cold on the last word but I knew he couldn't help it. This was how it always was. I had discovered that I had a beautiful singing voice ever since _he_ left. I always sang about how I felt and I sang at the campfires and sometimes when we were strolling down the beach. I felt the ground vanish beneath me as he picked me up and carried me like a child back to the truck.

He sat me down in the passenger seat and we drove in silence to the meadow. When we reached the parking space he took the portable I-pod player from the back (it worked on batteries) and my I-pod. I got out unsteadily and began to hike in the now familiar direction toward the meadow. The sun was beginning to peak through the clouds above and it filtered through the green of the forest, just like the first day _he_ brought me here.

As I entered into the meadow for a split second I thought I saw him there, lying and sparkling, casting millions of rainbows through the grassy circle. His eyes were closed but the dark circles beneath them told me that he was hungry. His tousled bronze hair was falling over his marble forehead and he seemed tense, then as the wind blew he vanished. I shook my head methodically trying to clear it. It wasn't him, I told myself. You're just going crazy. Yet he seemed so real. I scanned the area to make sure he wasn't lingering in the shadows. "What are you looking for?" Jacob asked suddenly making me jump.

"Nothing," I said quietly. I plunged the I-pod into the speakers and turned to the playlist on my I-pod which only had the music to certain songs and not the words. I scanned through it and found the one I was looking for. I put it on play and I sat down and began to sing.

"_Unfair  
Unreal  
I wanna tell my heart it's a quick steal_ (It wasn't though, I thought. You left me slowly and I watched you die and then leave me so suddenly.)  
_That'd be one way  
to unlove you_

"_Unjust  
Unkind  
That I can't you erase from my mind_ (Not a day passes that I don't think about you… You were so kind to me and on my side… for most things.)  
_That'd be another way  
To unlove you_

"_Even though my heart  
Is tellin me to stay, beggin me to stay  
My self-respect is telling me  
I gotta walk away, so…_ (I can't walk away; you're too much to forget. I don't care, I've already lost most of my sanity.)

"_I'mma gonna say what I gotta say  
What's done you can't undo_ (You can never fix my heart now, for there's nothing to fix. It's gone)  
_I'mma gonna break what I gotta break_ (I ripped my books and tore out the radio…)  
_Cause you were untrue_ (You said forever… it's not nearly as long as I thought it would be)  
_I'm gonna hurt_ (I remember drawing that knife from Jacob's kitchen cupboard and nearly slicing my skin with it before Jake stopped me)  
_I'm gonna cry_ (Every night, every day)  
_I'm gonna tear me up inside _(Already torn with _it'll be as if I never existed_.)  
_I'mma gonna do what I gotta do  
To unlove you_ (to unlove you) (All of the above didn't work.)

"_Until  
I heal  
I wish that I could freeze everything I feel _(I've had enough pain…)  
_That'd be one way  
To unlove you_

"_Emotions  
Unknown  
If I could only turn me into stone_ (Too bad I missed my chance and you wouldn't let me)  
_And that'd be, another way  
To unlove you_

"_Even though my heart  
Is tellin' me to stay, beggin' me to stay  
My dignity is tellin' me  
I gotta walk away, so_

"_I'mma gonna say what I gotta say  
What's done you can't undo  
I'mma gonna break what I gotta break  
Cause you were untrue  
I'm gonna hurt  
I'm gonna cry  
I'm gonna tear me up inside  
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do  
To unlove you (to unlove you)_

"_I've gotta look you in the eye_ (…it's only a wish)  
_And tell the worlds the biggest lie  
What choice do I have  
When you hurt me so bad_ (Hurt isn't a strong enough word)  
_Wrecked everything we had_ (You destroyed it, brutally, slowly, and painfully)  
_So…_

"_I'mma gonna say what i gotta say  
I'mma gonna do what i gotta do  
To unlove you_

"_I'mma gonna say what I gotta say  
What's done you can't undo  
I'mma gonna break what I gotta break  
Cause you were untrue  
I'm gonna hurt  
I'm gonna cry  
I'm gonna tear me up inside  
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do  
To unlove you._

_I'm gonna hurt  
I'm gonna cry  
I'm gonna tear me up inside  
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do_,"

I took a pause before I whispered the last line in such anguish and pain, "To unlove you." Jacob had listened to me in complete silence. I scanned the area again and I could swear I felt for a second the most unnatural wind ever and the sweetest scent I had smelled in days. That was when Jacob growled behind me and jumped. I heard the ripping of clothing as he slowly began to circle around me in wolf form. I wasn't going crazy. Someone was here, one of them. I wanted to cry so badly. I fell to my knees and whispered, "Edward…" The ripped pain tore open my chest as I fell down to the grassy meadow shaking in pain. Tears were pouring down my face and sobs were violently coming out of my chest. I clutched my empty chest and curled in to a ball willing the pain to go away. It isn't normal how much I hurt. Jake's warm fur enclosed around me and I drifted off into the darkness. In that darkness I began to dream…


	2. Don't Forget

**Thanks for the reviews people!!! This is my first fanfiction. I just wanted to try it out. I will write more soon but the stupid exams are coming up in two weeks so I don't know how often I can update. Yes Jake and the pack moved to Bella's school. Oh and though most of you guys and girls already know this but I don't own Twilight, no duh. **

**You don't have to review but its nice to know. Recommendations to! Songs ideas as well.**

**XOXO Jane V.**

Chapter Two: Don't Forget

I woke up in Jacob's bedroom. I scanned the room slowly, making sure I wasn't seeing things in two. I realized he wasn't there. I gradually sat up and walked out of the room. I heard arguing downstairs. I stopped to eavesdrop.

"So it was one of them?" Sam asked.

"Not just any of them. I saw Edward there first lying in the field. I think she noticed it to but thought she was going crazy." Jake replied.

The front door opened and someone walked in. I heard Jared say, "Yeah their back. I was just at the white crypt all their fancy cars are there and it reeks."

"Thank you Jared," Sam said.

"Do you reckon they'll be back at school?" Jacob asked with a protective edge to his voice.

Sam sighed. "We will protect her from them Jacob. She's one of us now."

That stopped me cold. I was _not_ one of them. I walked down the stairs angrily. "No I'm not Sam. I can take care of myself thank you very much." They looked at me shocked. "And if I want to accept whatever apology they have I might but don't forget they left me and that's not going to be easy to forgive. I _will_ stand my ground but I do not belong to anyone. I'm Switzerland. Got it?"

They were all glaring my untruthfully accept for Jacob who seemed almost uncertain. "Jacob, I'm leaving. I will see you at school tomorrow."

"I can drive –" he started but I cut him off. "I'll drive myself." I took the keys off the counter top and walked out into the weak sunshine. I got into my car and drove to my home.

As I entered Charlie watched me burst into the house and walk upstairs. He just sighed but didn't say anything. I wondered if he knew about them but didn't bother to ask. I slammed the room of my door open I grabbed my pajamas and went to the bathroom. I took a long shower and in that shower I began to think. Why would they come back? Did they come back because of me? Did they miss me? Did _he_ miss me? Would they apologize for everything? As I sat in the shower thinking I thought I heard someone knock on the bathroom door.

I growled. "Dad! I'm taking a shower." He didn't answer but I didn't hear him walk away. I turned off the water, got out of the shower and slid into my pajamas. I didn't even bother to put my hair in a towel; I simply walked out of the bathroom. That was when my blood stopped almost cold. I once again smelled the sweet scent that could belong to no one but _him_. I stormed into my room and scanned it. The window that I had closed was open and the sweet scent flooded my room but he wasn't there. I slammed the window shut. Beyond frustrated I slid under my covers and began to count sheep. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep….

***

I woke up the next morning way to early. I knew this for two reasons, one it was still dark out. Two my alarm hadn't woken me. I looked over to my clock and the bright red numbers glared at me in the darkness. 5: 43 in the morning. Damn it. I got up slowly. My hair was a haystack and I knew that without even looking in the mirror. I looked at my window, still closed. Good. I got by brush and violently began to attack the haystack of hair until it was smooth and silky with its slight wave. I dressed in jeans and a tee shirt that followed my shape perfectly and overtop of that I pulled on a black hoody.

I walked out of my room barefoot and went down to the kitchen. I put two pop-tarts into the toaster and poured a glass of milk. I sipped the milk slowly until the pop-tarts came up. I ate those slowly as well since my appetite was really small since seven months ago. When I finished both pop-tarts it was 6: 40. I walked back up to my room I put on a pair of black socks and black Converse before grabbing my car keys and walking out into the rain.

I didn't bother to even grab a jacket or pull up my hood. My hair was damp when I walked into the cab and turned on the car with a roar. I drove as fast as I could to school my heart racing in my chest. I knew why and it was a foolish idea but when I entered the parking lot I saw the shiny Volvo parked there. My heart skipped a beat but I remember what I promised Sam and the pack or rather my family. As soon as I got out Jacob's warm arm was around my waist and protectively holding me. "Jake," I said in a cool voice, "I'm fine."

He didn't say anything as we crossed the parking lot. When we did I saw the Cullen's glaring at me in shock. It was then that I saw Edward's face that my blood stopped cold. I froze when I saw his expression. It was as if someone was burning him alive but there was an understanding behind it. Emmett seemed to be holding him back. For a split second I wanted to run over there and hug him and just break into tears in his arms. I wanted him to soothe me and tell me he would never leave me.

Jake was tugging me. "Bella?"

I felt tears forming in his eyes as I watched his face. I turned around and leaned into Jacob, tears slowly falling down my face as he led me to class. It was in Biology when Edward first said something to me.

"Bella I never meant to –" He started.

I cut him off by shaking my head remorsefully and saying, "Save it for someone who cares."

He tensed. "You do care," he whispered as if he was trying to convince himself.

I hated lying to him but he did so to me. "You know what? You're right I do. Meet me after school to find out exactly how much."

He didn't say anything but he followed me to my truck after school where I pulled out the boom box and I-pod. I walked into the forest beside the school his quiet footsteps behind me. I sat down on a log and he leaned on a nearby tree. This felt very gay to me, to sing to him instead of explain my feelings to him in words but it was easier. I flipped through my songs and turned on Don't Forget by Demi Lovato. I wasn't a fan or anything but it related well to this situation.

"_Did you forget  
That I was even alive  
Did you forget  
Everything we ever had_ (it was a lot)  
_Did you forget  
Did you forget  
About me_

"_Did you regret  
Ever standing by my side_ (of course you did. You didn't want me hurt.)  
_Did you forget  
What we were feeling inside  
Now I'm left to forget  
About us_

"_But somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it_

"_So now I guess  
This is where we have to stand  
Did you regret  
Ever holding my hand  
Never again_ (never ever again)  
_Please don't forget  
don't forget_

"_We had it all  
We were just about to fall  
Even more in love  
Than we were before_ (we were, after that summer)  
_I won't forget  
I won't forget  
About us_

"_But somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it_

"_Somewhere we went wrong  
We were once so strong  
Our love is like a song  
You can't forget it  
At all_

"_And at last  
All the pictures have been burned_ (the ashes were in my bedroom garbage can)  
_And all the past  
Is just a lesson that we've learned_ (don't trust him ever again)  
_I won't forget  
Please don't forget us_

"_But somewhere we went wrong  
Our love is like a song  
But you won't sing along  
You've forgotten  
About us_."

I finished the last line brokenly, tears sliding down my cheeks. Edward walked over to me wanting to wrap his cool steel arms around me but I swatted them away my jaw locking. "No."

"Bella, I'm really sorry," he said quietly. "Please just take me back. I can change."

I shook my head. "You're not sorry."

"Yes I am! Isabella, please! I'm begging you!" His voice was breaking through octaves turning hoarse as I saw every single word I said cut him.

I shook my head. That's when Edward was knocked to the ground by a large woodsy fur wolf I immediately recognized as Jacob. I ran over there pulling the horse sized wolf off Edward without much success. I tugged hard at his fur and he jumped back. I turned around and looked him in his warm brown eyes. He was panting slightly. I put my hands on both sides of his furry face. "Jake, listen to me! It's going to be alright! I love you okay? He's not going to change that so please stop it." He nodded his big head and I kissed the tip of his nose, smiling.

I turned back around to Edward who looked like he had just been shot. "You've had your chance. I recommend you leave."

I swear if he could've cried he would've. That one look in his eyes as he slowly went away from sanity and anything else real. He walked away and I just wanted to scream. A whimper escaped my throat though as I tried to hold everything back. Thankfully it was too quiet for Jake to hear. I let go of his fur and walked up back up to my truck grabbing my things on the way up.

I put the keys into the ignition quickly and the whole drive home I was fighting tears.

***

When I got home I immediately told Charlie not to answer the phone if it was Edward and indeed he already told me he had called five times. I groaned and ran upstairs to my room slamming the door behind me. I took my I-pod out of my pocket and turned to Taylor Swift. I put on _You're Not Sorry_ and began to quietly sing along.

"All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around  
I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down (I offered everything)  
And its taking me this long but baby I figured you out (I figured that maybe you weren't everything I thought you were)  
And you think it will be fine again but not this time around (After you hurt me that much you think that I would run back into your arms?)

"_You don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone_ (Proved)  
_This is the last straw  
Don't want to hurt anymore  
And you can tell me that you're sorry  
But I won't believe you baby like I did before  
You're not sorry no more, no more, no_

"_Lookin' so innocent  
I might believe you if I didn't know  
Could'a loved you all my life  
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold_ (Left me with no eligible explanation and I had no idea where you were going)  
_And you got your share of secrets_ (Vampires, werewolves, bloodthirsty trackers.)  
_And I'm tired of being last to know_ (Scared of telling me?)  
_And now you're asking me to listen  
Cause its worked each time before_ (Smouldering eyes and looks aren't going to work this time, Cullen)

"_But you don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone  
This is the last straw  
Don't want to hurt anymore  
And you can tell me that you're sorry  
But I don't believe you baby like I did before  
You're not sorry no no no noo  
You're not sorry no no no noo_

"_You had me run for you honey_ (I remember that time I walked all over the forest looking for you)  
_And it never would've gone away no  
You use to shine so bright  
But I watched our loving fade_

"_So you don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone  
This is the last straw  
There's nothing left to beg for  
And you can tell me that you're sorry  
But I won't believe you baby like I did before_

"_You're not sorry no no no noo  
You're not sorry no no no noo_"

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I lay across my bed listening. I tore the headphones out of my ears throwing them to the floor. I curled in a small ball in my bed as the ripping pain traveled through my body. Sobs tore out of my chest violently. It wasn't fair, to the pack, Jacob, Charlie. It would be betrayal to go back with him but I was too weak to be able to withstand him. I knew I would give in eventually. I gradually quieted down. Charlie didn't bother to check on me anymore. I still screamed in my sleep. I couldn't help it. The pain was too horrible sometimes to bear. A cold chill came over me from the window. I turned around. For a second I saw a tall pale figure, his skin smooth, velvet over steel then his crooked smile and beautiful topaz gold eyes. The imaged shattered however and there stood Jacob at my window like he would any other night the last few months.

Jake silently walked over to the side of my bed and lied down next to me. The heat of his body engulfed me and his woodsy smell comforted me. "Bells?" He whispered. I nodded. "Sweetheart, are you going to be alright?"

I shrugged not trusting my voice quite yet. His large warm hand wiped the tears off my cheeks. I moved away from his touch. What was wrong with me? I have never done that before. I sighed as I turned on my other side to look at his face. It was grave. "Bella, come on... I switched schools and everything for you. The pack did too. I would never leave you like he did, I promise. Please don't go back to him. I know it sounds selfish but please!" He begged.

I looked away from his face, the dark brown eyes almost overwhelming. "Don't worry about it Jake," I whispered. "I'll be alright." My effort to comfort him was pathetic. I sounded like I was trying to convince myself that I would be alright let alone him. I closed my eyes and curled closer to Jacob. Weeks ago it would've felt right but now it was like falling asleep next to a stranger.


	3. Another Now

Chapter Three: Another Now

I woke up the next morning unwillingly. I didn't want to face today or any day after that for that matter. I groaned sitting up pushing my hair out of my face. I combed it down quickly pulling it back in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I pulled onto me a pair of faded blue flare jeans and lanky white tee-shirt along with short socks.

I raced down the stairs and looked through my kitchen for something to eat. It was when I first looked into my fridge that I didn't have an appetite. I closed the fridge and walked out of the kitchen. I wasn't hungry… it was like I was going back to the catatonic me. I shuddered and went back to the kitchen. I ate my cheerios treacherously slow. I didn't even eat with milk, just the cereal. It was half an hour later that I realized I felt sick of the cheerios. I made a disgusted face as I threw the bowl into the sink and slid into my rain jacket. I put on my black Converse even though it was raining outside. I quickly put my bag on my back and raced outside.

I got into my truck and was nearly startled out of my skin when I noticed Leah sitting next to me. "Gah!" I exclaimed as I noticed her there. "What are you doing in my truck Leah?"

"Come on don't you want to make Edward jealous?" She asked.

"Uh… Leah I don't know if you noticed but he already is. I've got Jake and I think that's more than enough," I stated. To be honest I didn't want to make him jealous. It hurt him enough as well as me. Keep the playing field even.

Leah rolled her eyes. "Come on Bella! You should've seen the state you were in when Sam found you. You were in a way worse state than he is now. A little revenge wouldn't be that bad."

I groaned. "Leah you don't see him like I do. For me what I did is torture enough."

Leah frowned clearly upset that she didn't get her way. I arrived at school and the second I was out the door Jacob was holding my hand. I sighed but it still didn't feel right. I wanted to rip my hand away from his and run over to Edward but as I promised I stood firm ground. As I walked by that silver Volvo it was as if the beautiful god of a being was dead. His eyes seemed like the gold had been frozen solid, like the night he left me. Edward's body was tense like he was expecting a blow but wasn't even going to do anything about it.

***

In Science class there was an air of such silence and tension, hatred, and mixed emotions that I nearly shredded my textbook. He left much like he did the first day I saw him, quickly and fluidly. I ground my teeth together. I gathered my textbooks slowly and tried to stack them perfectly before walking out to my locker. I got my things together and scanned it. The Cullen's were nowhere in sight but neither was the pack. I threw my things into my truck and got in. Just as I got in I heard a feral snarl coming from the forest. "Oh no…" I whispered. I slammed the door to my truck and went into the forest.

I walked for a few minutes before the next thing I saw shocked me right out of myself. Edward and Jacob were circling each other and the pack and the Cullen's snarling and growling and snapping their jaws together threateningly at each other. The pack was in all wolf form. Edward's shirt was shredded by Jacob's claws. His eyes seemed crazed, totally black, and no gold anywhere in them unlike this morning. Jake on the other hand was limping one paw hung in a distorted way; breath heavy and eyes fixed on Edward, his target.

I gasped for air. Alice suddenly came up behind me restraining me from running any closer to the fight. "Let me go!" I screamed at her. All the focus suddenly drifted to me. Edward was almost instinctually by my side in an instant. Alice released me and Edward gently took my hand, his crazed eyes calming at the touch. "No," I said in a firm voice taking my hand away from his.

Emmett and Carlisle ran up and grabbed Edward from behind restraining him. Edward's whole body seemed to look murderous and just plain violent. Jacob crouched in front of me, his knife like teeth bared. Now that I realized Edward was going kill me I was angry and hurt beyond relief. Leah being the nice sister she was had already brought my music down for me to express myself.

I walked over to the small boom box, Jake limping beside me. I knelt down next to it and then looked at Jake. I put one of my hands on the side of his furry face, stroking it gently. He whined in appreciation. I smiled and then turned to Get Over It by Avril Lavigne.

"_Slipping down a slide  
I did enjoy the ride_ (Being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me)  
_Don't know what to decide  
You lied to me _(More than once if I can count correctly.)  
_You looked me in the eye_ (Frozen, cold and yet still somehow true)  
_It took me by surprise  
Now are you gratified  
You cried to me_ (Yesterday in the forest, that pleading…)  
_  
"La, la, la, la, la_  
_  
"Don't turn around  
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face_ (I don't want to see that horrible perfect face that is always somehow mad and full of sorrow)  
_Don't make this worse  
You've already gone and got me mad _(Attacking Jake? You should know better.)_  
It's too bad I'm not sad_ (No, I'm beyond mad right now.)  
_It's casting over  
It's just one of those things  
You'll have to get over it_

"_When I was feeling down_ (Just now, it was YOU who walked over me to comfort me when it was your fault)  
_You'd start to hang around  
And then I found your hands all over me  
And that was out of bounds  
You filthy rotten hound_ (Yes, I know you take offense for that.)  
_It's badder than it sounds, believe me_

"La, la, la, la, la

"Don't turn around  
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face  
Don't make this worse  
You've already gone and got me mad  
It's too bad I'm not sad  
It's casting over  
It's just one of those things  
You'll have to get over it

"Hey, you gotta get over it  
Hey, you gotta get over it

"It's too bad I'm not sad  
It's casting over  
It's just one of those things  
You'll have to get over it

"Don't turn around  
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face  
Don't make this worse  
You've already gone and got me mad

"Don't turn around  
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face  
Don't make this worse  
You've already gone and got me mad  
It's too bad I'm not sad  
It's casting over  
It's just one of those things  
You'll have to get over it  
You'll have to_ get over it_!" I said the last line with such hate that I saw him flinch away from me. Alice was watching me with such shock that I thought she might slap me.

"Bella," she whispered. "I can't believe you would do this to him and to us."

To be honest I was quite surprised I even did that myself. I instantly regretted it but I didn't show it in my face. I picked up my boom box and shoved my I-pod in my pocket. I looked at Edward and he seemed to be deciding something. I then heard him whisper to Carlisle, "Tell Esme that I'm leaving." At first I thought I imagined it but the hurt that crossed Carlisle's innocent face was so hard to look at that I had to look away. I couldn't blame Edward for leaving but the chances are I wouldn't be able to stay sane this time.

I dropped my boom box to the floor of the forest and sprinted back up to my truck. I heard Jake follow me. I spun around. "Jake, please. I just need time to think this through." I knew that Edward was probably already well gone by now. He nodded his big furry head and turned back to the pack. I raced up to my truck and slammed my door. I burst into tears. _STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!_ I screamed at myself in my mind, mentally tormenting myself. I cried for a bit then turned on the truck and drove back to the house. I walked out in the rain but I didn't enter my house. I put the boom box on the porch protecting it from the rain and turned on Another Now by Kate Alex. I sang the whole song through tears but my voice still came out like twined gold.

"_Was only just the other day,  
When all this felt so real  
Like nothing could go wrong,  
Was like a never ending dream,  
Nothing ever changed,  
For so long…_

"_But now you've gone away,  
And I've tried turning the page,  
and it's just not the same..._

"_But I'm breathing in,  
And I'm breathing out,  
I'm wide awake,  
But i can't hear a sound,_

"_But I'm breathing in,  
I can't think about,  
Another you, Another me, Another now._

"_Where do i go from here,  
I've never felt so strange,  
I've never felt so torn,  
Cause ever since you came my way,  
_"_I learned to live by you,  
and now I'm on my own.  
_  
"_I know I need some time,  
To leave all this behind,  
Cause I'm still hanging on,_

"_But I'm breathing in,  
And I'm breathing out,  
I'm wide awake,  
But I can't hear a sound,_

"_But I'm breathing in,  
I can't think about,  
Another you, another me, another now._

"_I'm sitting here, all alone,  
Nowhere to move, nowhere to go,  
Nothing to do, I just wanna hurt,  
_  
"_Cause you're not here_

"_But I'm breathing in,  
And I'm breathing out,  
I'm wide awake,  
But I can't hear a sound, _

"_I'm breathing in,  
And I'm breathing out,  
I'm wide awake,  
But I can't hear a sound,  
But I'm breathing in,  
I can't think about,_

"_Another you, Another me, Another now  
_  
"_Oooooh whoa_

"_Another you, Another me, Another now_." I sighed as the song finished. I didn't cry however. Memories were being thrown around in my head. The first day I saw him, in the car when I found out what he was, meeting his family, our first kiss, protecting me from James, sucking the venom out of me, the angel crying in heaven, saving me, loving me, leaving me… coming back and now leaving again. Each memory was like a sharp knife tearing me inside out leaving me lying on the wet wooden deck floor twitching and gasping at the pain. Tears were hot in my eyes but I refused to let them pour. The floor suddenly vanished beneath me. I screamed, struggling against strong arms. I opened my eyes and saw Jake staring at me, his eyes reflecting my own pain.

"Bella," he whispered, "I can't see you like this anymore."

What?! No! He can't leave me now! He's all I've got left. I clung to his bare chest, selfish. "No Jake!" I sobbed. I sounded so selfish and stupid that if I were Jacob I would've gave up a long time ago. "Please! I'm begging you!" I yelled in my hoarse voice. Jake moved my wet hair out of my face with one hand, still cradling me with the other.

He stroked my face. "Sh. Sh. Sh. Sweetie, it's going to be alright. I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you ever. It's alright," he murmured to me. I nodded calming down still sniffling. He took me indoors and placed me on the couch covering me with a thick blanket. He vanished for a moment then came back with my backpack in his hand. He left it for me by the couch. I took it and began to painfully slow do my homework. He sat down next to me watching. Once I was finished I got up and made a quick chicken noodle soup. I ate it as did but everything we did was through silence. Later on I showered and Jake lulled me to sleep much like Edward used to do… minus my lullaby…


	4. Why?

I would like to thank everyone for the reviews!!! Sorry if it's taking a bit to upload these chapters but I have finals next week and the week after. So yeah.... So much studying.... grawer. Anyways here's the next chapter. Hope you like it! 3

xoxo Jane

Chapter Four: Why

"_Why, do you always do this to me?  
Why, couldn't you just see through me?  
How come, you act like this  
Like you just don't care at all _(Like leaving me like that was just so simple so easy for you to do)

"_Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?_ (No, I wasn't.)_  
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away _(I don't even know where you are)_  
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why_

"_It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you_ (Like a drug, like the air around me, like food or water)_  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way_ (It's not normal)_  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?_ (For just a moment I believed that it could've)_  
Tell me, why  
_  
"_Hey, listen to what we're not saying_ (Lost all connection to you)_  
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing  
Try, to look at me and really see my heart_ (Or what's left of it….)

"_Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart? _(I already did)_  
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away  
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why_

"_It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, you think we could last forever?  
Tell me, why  
_  
"_So go and think about whatever you need to think about  
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about  
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel _(I'm on the verge of begging you to come back)_  
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away  
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why_

"_It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me_"_It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?  
Tell me, why_." I set down my guitar, sighing. It had been exactly one month since _he_ had left. Jacob was gone for now, in the forest almost always on duty with the pack. They sighted Laurent in the forests and since then they were always out there looking. I rarely saw him and when I did it was really quiet moments that we shared. Every single time I saw Jake he seemed to be debating something with himself. I didn't ask; scared what he might say.

It was a Sunday evening and outside it was raining buckets. I had slowly taught myself to play guitar. I was pretty good, not the best or anything but I figured out how to play Why by Avril Lavigne. It was such a suitable song for now. I looked over to my mirror to see my horrid reflection glaring at me. I was so skinny it wasn't even funny anymore. I had dark, deep purple circles in my eyes and my hair was dirty. My brown eyes looked so dead and I was pale beyond belief. It looked as if I could shatter if someone touched me. My voice if anything got better. It was clearer and smoother. It was the only thing that was improving nowadays. I sighed putting down my guitar. My dad was still calmly discussing things with the doctor downstairs. I didn't like that doctor. I decided to eavesdrop once more on their conversation.

"You have to do something Charlie," the doctor said in a comforting voice.

"She won't leave the house. The only hope she has right now is Jacob but he's away most of the time. I hear her singing upstairs but it often leaves her crying or just quiet. She's playing the guitar now and that seems to comfort her too." He sounded like he was going crazy and was simply trying to convince himself.

The doctor sighed. "What about her mother?"

There was a silence. "She threw a tantrum the first time. I'm not going to put her through that again. Isn't there anything you can do?"

There was a silence again. I could imagine the doctor shaking his head. "It's up to her now."

I walked back to my bed. Lying down under the covers and forcing myself into sleep.

In my dream there was Jacob standing there in front of me, smiling. I smiled back at him; I looked healthier somehow in this dream. I looked closely into Jake's big warm brown eyes but I realized that they weren't looking at me but someone behind me. I willed myself to turn around but I couldn't. Jake walked around me like I was invisible to the person behind me, eyes lit up brightly. Finally gaining controlled I turned around just in time to see Jacob kissing somebody, somebody not me. I didn't know who she was. Her image was blurred. I woke up again to the sound of my alarm clock gasping for breath.

I shook the image from my head and got ready for school. At school during Science class I nearly spontaneously combusted. A girl with lovely curly dirty- honey -blonde hair and wondrous turquoise eyes was sitting in _his_ seat. I walked over to the desk slowly and gently then slammed my books on the table. The girl jumped in her seat turned her small round head toward me. I didn't even bother to look at her; I just sat down and shot her a look. She quickly looked back to the front her cheeks coloring a light pink. The teacher started calling out the attendance. He came to her name, "Angelica?"

"Here," she said in a quiet voice.

"Where?" the teacher asked.

She raised her hand gingerly. The teacher nodded seeming to remember something then turned back to calling out the names. He handed out some worksheets then went to work on something on his computer. I started mine whipping through the easy things and writing quick explanatory short answers. The girl next to me was struggling. She seemed a lot younger than me. I sighed and turned to her. "Do you need any help?"

"Just a bit," she said. I noticed that her voice was accented.

I turned to look at her sheet while giving her the twenty questions. "Where do you come from Angelica?"

She smiled; glad to be making some friends probably. "I'm from Italy."

I raised my eyebrows. That was interesting. "You know Italian then?"

She nodded eagerly. "Yes, I do."

I looked up at her quickly explained something to her and then gave it back to her. After she finished I started up another conversation. "Angelica you seem to be a little young to be in eleventh grade."

"Oh yeah… I just turned seventeen." The number burned in my mind. I shook away the memories.

"You skipped a grade?" I asked.

"Yeah, just one though. They figured here that I would be better off in a higher grade." She shrugged. "You're Bella right?"

I nodded. Some understanding seemed to cross her pretty blue eyes. She must've already heard about me and _him_. Stupid gossip, I muttered to myself. "Hey you want to hang out after school?" I asked for the first time in months.

She grinned, grateful nodding. Her innocence was something so amazing I couldn't believe it. It was like someone took the eagerness and childish ways of a little girl and put it into this beautiful teenager. "Can you sing?" I asked suddenly wondering.

She blushed. "Maybe," she murmured. Her eyes danced in the artificial lights.

"Let's see after school then," I said. The bell rang and I left for gym.

***

Little Angelica was waiting for me by my truck. She was of a small structure but a nice elegant build. Her back was as straight as an arrow and her movements were fluid and meaningful. Her hair was down to half her back in thick locks and her face was gentle and unharmed. I walked over to my truck and together we rode back to my house. During the ride she told me about the country-side she lived in while she was in Rome. About the small white house and one horse that she owned. She talked about her parents and how they were really nice to her. She briefly mentioned her talents with music, the violin and piano but dropped it quickly noticing the pained expression in my face. Once she was finished her story she stayed quiet. I explained my mother and father and their crazy adventures. She never asked any questions about anything else. The information I gave her seemed to satisfy her.

We arrived at my place and I took out my boom box and I-pod. I led her inside in the dry house and into the living room. "Here we are," I said. "It's not much but it's good enough for me."

Her eyes brightened. "I love your house!" She squealed. That was the first time I heard anyone say that. I guess she had a thing for old places like mine.

I laughed slightly at her reaction then stopped. That was the first time I laughed for a long time. I took my I-pod out and turned on How Does it Feel by Avril Lavigne. I thought the song fitted her well. "Do you know this song?" I asked.

She smiled. "You like Avril?"

I grinned and nodded while she started to sing.

"_I'm not afraid of anything  
I just need to know that I can breathe  
I don't need much of anything  
But suddenly, suddenly_

"_I am small and the world is big  
All around me is fast moving  
Surrounded by so many things  
But suddenly, suddenly_

"_How does it feel, to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel, to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel?_

"_I'm young, and I am free  
But I get tired, and I get weak  
I get lost, and I can't sleep  
But suddenly, suddenly_

"_Would you comfort me  
Would you cry with me;_

"_Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah  
Ahh, ahh-ah_

"_I am small and the world is big  
But I'm not afraid of anything;_

"_How does it feel, to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel, to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel?_

"_How does it feel_,_ to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel, to be different from me?  
Are we the same?  
How does it feel?_

_How does it feel, how does it feel.  
Different from me, different..._

"_Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah;  
Ahh-ah,  
Ahh-ah,  
Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah;  
Ahh-ah,  
Ahh-ah…_" She finished. "Well?"

"Wow. You are amazing!" I said clapping my hands together and cheering like I was part of a huge crowd. She bowed laughing.

"Thank you all so much!" She said blowing kisses to our imaginary crowd. She sat down on the couch next to me.

"You want to sing a duet?" I asked wondering what we would sound like together.

"Sure." I skimmed through my I-pod looking for a song. We sang together through the afternoon, finishing our homework together talking about funny stories in Rome and Florida. We kept talking until her phone vibrated.

"Ciao mama," she said in Italian. There was murmuring on the other line. "Sono a casa di Bella." She included my address. Murmuring. "Alright. Ciao." She hung up. "I have to go home. My parents are picking me up soon."

"When?" I asked glumly.

"Five minutes." She said.

"Wanna come over tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure no problem."

After that she left and I went to sleep for the first time in months perfectly blissful.


	5. One Last Time

**Note: This chapter ends in a cliffhanger and** **NO DO NOT GO TO THE BOTTOM OR YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON! **

**xoxo Jane.**

Chapter Five: One Last Time

Angelica was the best friend that I ever had. It's been a few weeks since I met her. She had such a childish personality she was like a little sister that I had to take care of. She was always all over the place her curiosity, exploring everything and questioning things she didn't know. We went hiking and the meadow which used to be so full of heartbreak was now a bright happy place. She was never around when Jacob was though. She said she preferred to keep a distance from relationships. It was fine with me. Jacob was pleased with my change. He loved me even more now and we were closer than ever before. It was mostly because Angelica was so full of love and grace and curiosity that she gave it to everyone.

Now don't you go thinking that everything was fine in the area of Forks. Charlie had been having a tough time. Murders were going about and the pack suspected it was vampires but they could never figure out who it was. They never caught them. It was too many killings to be just one and thought that it could be Victoria or Laurent just gave me the shivers. Angelica didn't know about any of this of course. I never told her the secret and she seemed too innocent to be mixed up in most of it anyways. I kept the problems out of the way.

It was a normal day for me and Angelica. We were sitting at home discussing the stupid new math teacher we got and copying his hilarious robotic voice and expressions when the phone rang. I ran to get it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bells." Jacob said and I smiled. Angelica made a funny face then and I laughed. "What's so funny?" Jake asked curious.

I shook my head. "Nothing… So what's up?" I asked. Angelica ran up to listen to my conversation, eyes bright and inquisitive.

"I prefer that you and your little friend Angelica come to the bonfire tonight and the vampires have been closer to town lately. I don't want you to get hurt or anything."

I sighed. "Let me ask Angelica." I turned to her. "You want to go to La Push for a bonfire party?"

"Will Jacob be there?" She asked narrowing her eyes.

"Yes but Angelica please. He would love to meet you!" I pleaded.

She considered for a moment then said, "Fine. We'll go."

I smiled. "Kay Jake we'll be there in the next two hours."

"Bye sweetie." He said.

"Bye." I hung up and I started again the discussion between Angelica and me.

***

I parked my car by Jacob's house and Angelica and I headed down the beach. Angelica stopped as we neared the start of the beach. "Angelica what's wrong?"

She shook her eyes scared. "How many people will be there?" She asked nervously.

"Uh… I don't know. Depends who comes." I replied. "Why?"

"Nothing…" She said looking at the ground biting her lip.

"Angelica there's nothing to be shy about. They are all great people. You will love them! Come on…" I said gesturing her over.

She sighed. "Do you _promise_ not to leave me for a single second?"

I nodded. "Come on…" She smiled and together we ran to the beach.

I raced into Jacob's arms first while Angelica took a seat on one of the logs next to Embry who introduced himself to her and they started a small conversation. Jacob hugged me warmly and I moved to kiss him. He placed his soft warm lips on mine as I tangled my fingers in his hair. He put on of his large hands on the back my neck pulling me closer. Someone from the pack wolf-whistled (Hm, how ironic) as we slowly pulled back nuzzling each other gently. We sat down on a log across from Angelica. Jacob looked across to Angelica and suddenly his whole posture went rigid. His eyes glowed brightly in the blue firelight. Angelica met his gaze and seemed to gasp. Jacob's eyes brightened and the whole packed tensed. I noticed this and I shook Jake. He broke off of Angelica's gaze and turned to me. His eyes didn't seem to be as welcoming as they were before. "Yes?"

"What's going on?" I asked.

Jacob just shook his head then whispered to me. "We should tell Angelica."

"What? Why?" I whispered back scared for Angelica's own innocent state.

"She needs to know," he whispered.

I sighed and nodded. "I'll tell her."

"No, I will." Jacob said almost protectively. I shot him a look then nodded. He turned to Angelica. "Angelica can we take a walk?" He asked smiling widely.

She looked at me as I mouthed "go on." She nodded and stood up along with Jake and they walked down the beach. I sighed and I began talking to Paul and the rest of the pack laughing along with their jokes. About half an hour Angelica and Jacob came back and I ran to Jacob hugging him. He hugged back but not bear hug like usual, just lightly. Angelica shied away something flashing in her pretty eyes. I took Jake's hand squeezing it gently. He didn't squeeze back like he usually did he just held it looking down at our hands pain crossing his expression.

I took my hand and angled his face to look at me. The anguish and regret was clear in his large brown eyes. "Jake what's wrong?" I asked.

He looked at me like he might cry. "Bella we need to talk."

"NO!" Angelica cried out. He turned to her. "Please. She needs you now." I looked at Jake at the want and need he looked at Angelica with.

"Jacob what's going on?" I asked frantic and scared. Angelica shook her head.

He sighed. "It's better now than later," he told her taking my hand and gently leading me down the beach.

Once we were well away from the rest of them. "Bella…" Jake began slowly. "Remember what I said about imprinting?" I nodded. "I… uh… imprinted on Angelica."

I froze my whole world came crashing down on me. I felt my eyes overflowing with tears my whole body was trembling. My chest was tearing open. The months Jacob spent sowing the pieces of my torn heart together were ruined. Torn to shreds… I sunk to my knees in the sand bursting into tears. Sobs came violently out of my chest. Jacob bent down and picked me up cradling me to his chest while I cried.

Suddenly he started carrying me up over the beach, through the forest and to his house. He walked through the living room and laid me down on his bed crawling in next to me. "Bella… Sh… It's going to be alright." He comforted me while I slowly quieted down. I looked up to his face but he wasn't looking at me he was looking out his window toward the direction of the bonfire; his mind wandering.

I mentally started switching through songs in my head and began to sing quietly without music or anything, One Last Time by Elise Estrada.

_"It'd be easier if there was someone else_

_I might understand if we had had a fight_

_And we're lying here_

_But you're somewhere else_

_I don't wanna see what you don't feel_

_So just turn out the light_

_"I know you tried but your heart ain't gonna fake it_

_If it ain't love there's no way I can take it_

_So exposed I might as well be naked_

_Baby I've been praying_

_"But I just can't make you love me_

_And it burns my heart_

_That you don't feel the flame_

_No I just can't make you love me_

_So hold me like you mean it_

_And I'll pretend you feel it one last time_

_"Don't say the word_

_Baby please don't speak_

_Just hold me close and let me make-believe_

_I don't wanna hurt_

_Till the morning breaks_

_Just pretend it's not the end_

_Spend one last time with me_

_"I know you tried but your heart ain't gonna fake it_

_If it ain't love there's no way I can take it_

_So exposed I might as well be naked_

_Baby I've been praying_

_"But I just can't make you love me_

_And it burns my heart_

_That you don't feel the flame_

_No I just can't make you love me_

_So hold me like you mean it_

_And I'll pretend you feel it one last time_

_"I know it's no one's fault_

_And it's just not meant for you_

_And you can't make your heart_

_Feel the way I feel for you_

_It's not right_

_To keep on hanging on_

_Just give me one more night_

_Before we both move on_

_"But I just can't make you love me_

_And it burns my heart_

_That you don't feel the flame_

_No I just can't make you love me_

_So hold me like you mean it_

_And I'll pretend you feel it one last time_

_But I just can't make you love me_

_And it burns my heart_

_That you don't feel the flame_

_"No I just can't make you love me_

_So hold me like you mean it_

_And I'll pretend you feel it one last time…"_

He looked at me eyes sorrowful as I finished my song. "Bella, I'm so sorry," he whispered. I nodded.

I sighed debating on the things to do in my head. I couldn't take this dramatic town anymore. It was all these crazy fantasies wrapped into one small area and I was sick and tired of it. I got up off his bed unwillingly. "Bye Jacob," I whispered as I left the room.

I made a run for it back to the truck tripping and falling all over but I kept going. I drove back home in record speed. I entered my house and thanked god that Charlie was working late. I got a bag and quickly packed some food, small tent, water, my fully charged I-pod, cell phone, first aid kit and jacket. I glanced once at my truck where my boom box was and turned away. I went out the back door and began walking through the woods in silence.

***

Days passed and I was running out of food and water. I came by the occasional stream but I didn't know where I was. I was lost among the tall trees, rainy weather and the occasional filtering sunlight between the trees. My stomach growled beneath me as my feet gave out and I collapsed to the wet ground. My arms were scratched and my jeans were torn all over the place. I was bleeding all over. I unwrapped the dirty bandages and looked at the cuts… not good. I set my tent up there for the night unable to carry on any further. I was weak, hungry, tired and thirsty.

As I was setting up my tent I suddenly felt myself being thrown backwards to the ground the air knocked out of my lungs with a powerful blow. I closed my eyes willing the pain to go away. The sweet vampire scent surrounded me as I was picked up by the throat and pinned to a tree. I opened my eyes shocked. In front of me was that unmistakable head of bronze tousled hair, pale perfect face, straight nose and I expected to see warm, golden eyes welcoming me but it wasn't gold eyes that I saw. His eyes were cold, deadly and red, crimson but darker around the edges, thirsty. I gasped, "Edward?"


	6. Remember Me

**Dear Readers,**

**Okay okay... I know... breathe... it's another chapter.... no need to falter and die in front of the screen. That would be a problem because for one you wouldn't be able to read it and two I would be blamed and then the rest wouldn't be able to read it because I would be in jail. XD Sorry for taking a long time but I have a reason HONESTLY!!! I had... wait for it... FINAL EXAMS! *gasp* I know... the horrid truth of high school but now it's summer so yay!!! More chapters to read and yeah... And to state the necessary obvious no I do not own Twilight and nore to I have the wish to. **

**Now after my outrageously long authors note you may continue the story,**

**xoxo Jane. **

Chapter Six: Remember Me

Edward scanned me with the red eyes that were so wrong on him that it was almost impossible to look. He dropped me to the ground backing away, gasping. He shook his head, looking at me, jaw clenched. It looked as if he were fighting the urge to drink my blood until I was dry. He stood slightly hunched as if expecting a blow and his hands were shut into fists. I saw Victoria and Laurent walk out of the trees. I looked at them as Victoria walked around Edward. She pushed the hair out of his face with such a gentle caress I wanted to murder her. "Don't touch him!" I screamed.

She laughed like a little child. "What are you going to do sweetheart?" I caught the sight of another figure lurking in the shadows.

"Who's that?" I asked nodding my head in the direction of the shadow.

She smiled. "We met up with him on the way here. I think you might know him. He is from Phoenix after all." The tall figure emerged and I gasped. I knew him well. He was tall, lean, with black short hair. He used to be the most popular kid in the High School I went to before. He had vanished though. He was known for being the most persuasive guy on campus.

"Josh?" I asked shocked. He scanned me up and down like he did to every girl before he left.

"Isabella?" He asked also shocked.

"Isn't this a nice reunion?" Victoria said, laughing again. I barely knew Josh. He was on the outer boundaries of what was possible in a relationship. He was the one who used to flirt with the girls on the cheerleading team, he was the best basket ball player in the state and was a former model.

I shook my head and turned back to Edward. I stood up and walked over to him, gently placing my hand on the side of his face. I only saw a glimpse of Josh's eyes going a luminescent blue before Edward slapped me. I fell back, my cheek burning. It wasn't Edward who did that. I remember him telling me, "_When you are changed into a vampire or whatever we are you take whatever senses or sort of stronger characteristics of before they get enhanced by thousands."_ Josh was extremely persuasive as a human and so I decided that he had taken that into account when he was changed.

I sighed looking at Edward. "I know you didn't do that. It's Josh. He made you like this, and he made you hit me." Edward stared at me, not moving. "It must be difficult for you," I whispered, "smelling my blood right now. Maybe you should go eat a dear or a mountain lion. Remember it was your favorite? And then maybe you should say hi to your family. The one you left. I'm sure Esme misses you and Carlisle, Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jazz. Does that sound nice?" I asked, still whispered, stroking his face lightly.

He shook his head. "I can't," he muttered hoarsely. The words sounded forced. Josh's eyes were blue once more.

I looked at him. "Please stop it," I said firmly. He smirked.

"No way. He's so much fun."

"Still the same jerk," I said to him.

"I can make him kill you," Josh said lightly. I glared at him and he smiled ruthlessly.

I shook my head looking at Edward. There was such a longing in his eyes. I took my phone out of my pocket. To my utter surprise I had a signal, though weak. I started dialing Carlisle's number but the phone vanished from my hand and was in Laurent's.

"Give it back!" I yelled. "He doesn't belong here. He belongs with the rest of the Cullen's and you know it! It's his family that he needs. My boyfriend left me and I realized I made a huge mistake. I need him back and so do the people who love him."

"That's really too bad," Victoria said.

I turned to Edward. "Please Edward. Come back, not for me but for your family." I took his hand gently.

He shook his head. "Please Edward!" I screamed falling to the floor onto my knees crying. He crouched down next to me. He didn't touch me; he just looked at me. I looked up at him through my tears. His eyes were coal black. In fact they were so black that if I held the deepest color of coal next to them the coal would look white.

Suddenly I heard a snap of fingers and the vampires around me vanished all that there was left was Edward screaming on the floor of the woods. I immediately started to shake him. "Edward! Edward!" I screamed. He lay there like having a seizure. I ran over to my cell phone that was dropped in the spot Josh stood before. I grabbed it and started dialing.

I put it to my ear and heard the ringing but was pushed to the floor. I gasped as pain tore through my torso. I heard Carlisle pick up. "Hello?"

I felt a kick aimed to my side and I screamed, looking up at Edward. His face was like a wild animal, savage, cruel and merciless. "Carlisle!" I screamed. "Help me!" Edward kicked me again and I gasped coughing up blood.

"Bella?" he asked shocked. "Does your phone have a GPS?"

"Yes!" I screamed as Edward raked his nails across my face and at the same time somehow snapped my arm and broke my ankle. I let out a blood curling scream. "EDWARD STOP!!!!" I begged.

The last thing I heard was I guttural growl and a load thunder roar….

***

I woke in Edward's bedroom in the Cullen house. I looked down at myself. My arm was in a cast and so was most of my mid-section. I felt a tight wrap around my right angle. I groaned and got up, sitting. I was so sore. I got up, putting my weight on my left foot and limped out of the room. I (with amazingly great difficulty) got down the stairs to the living room.

Esme, Alice and Carlisle looked over. Esme raced over and wrapped her arms very gently around me. "Thank you so much Bella."

"For what?" I whispered.

"For finding our son," Carlisle told me, smiling weakly.

I sighed as Esme led me to the couch. "He's not your son anymore," I whispered. "He looks like a monster. I don't even know who he is anymore…"

"Bella, Bella," Carlisle scorned, "he is still Edward no matter what happened to him and inside him there is still a soul worth saving, caring and loving."

I smiled slightly. "I suppose." I glanced around the room. "Where are all the guys?"

Alice piped up. "Jazz and Emmett are outside with Edward calming him down and letting him feast on animals."

I nodded. "Do you by any chance have an I-pod player and I-pod?" I asked.

They nodded and told me that they put all my stuff upstairs. I thanked them and headed back to Edward's room. I looked at the player and flipped through my songs. Behind These Hazel Eyes was the song I put on and started to sing.

"_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_ I stopped. I didn't cry but I heard someone at my door. "Come in!" I said to whoever it was.

"Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

"I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
"You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on

"Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

"Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...

"Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

"Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes…"

Alice walked in. "Hey," she said quietly. She sat down on the bed next to me.

I started to apologize immediately. "I am so sorry for turning Edward into the monster that he is now and for making him leave and turning him against you all and for hurting everyone and for being a total mean horrible person." I hugged as best I could in my state.

She smiled. "We forgive you but that's not what I am here to tell you." Concern crossed her pixie face which I missed so much. "Edward can't remember who we are and I don't think he remember you either."

My mind raced back to the attack. The snap of fingers. Either Laurent or Victoria had another power, to make someone lose some memories. I got up and got downstairs. I went out back where I saw Edward standing and Jazz and Emmett seemed to by trying to explain something to him. They noticed me and restrained him.

I stopped immediately, for the first time, scared of him. I limped over to him cautiously. I felt the wind stir my hair and carry my scent toward him. I heard him growl and then let out a lion's roar. Emmett was straining as was Jasper. Abruptly I felt brave and I walked or rather hobbled over to him. I walked around him and looked him in the eyes as he fought and struggled weakly against Jazz and Emmett. "Edward…" I whispered gently raising my good hand toward his face. "Breathe…"

Jazz seemed to be working to calm him down. I stroked his face where every pore seemed to be etched with pain, sorrow and thirst. I looked at his eyes, they were dark amber, almost red but already diluting. "Edward, tell me what happened…" I whispered searching his face. He flinched away from my hand. "Do you know who I am?" I asked quietly. He nodded. "Tell me then…"

"You're Bella," he said, almost tormented. The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. I smiled.

"Yeah I am. Do you trust me?" I asked.

He nodded. "If I get Jazz and Emmett to let you go will you promise not to kill me?"

"But you smell so delicious," he said roughly, his voice filled with desire.

I started softly murmuring the lyrics of Remember Me by Josh Groban

"_Remember, I will still be here  
As long as you hold me, in your memory_ He stared at me as if he were trying to remember but couldn't. I sighed. "Jazz, Em let him go."

"Remember, when your dreams have ended  
Time can be transcended  
Just remember me

"I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,  
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun

"I'm with you  
Whenever you tell, my story  
For I am all I've done

"Remember, I will still be here  
As long as you hold me, in your memory  
Remember me

"I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers  
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky

"As long as I still can reach out, and touch you  
Then I will never die

"Remember, I'll never leave you  
If you will only  
Remember me

"Remember me...

"Remember, I will still be here  
As long as you hold me  
In your memory

"Remember, when your dreams have ended  
Time can be transcended  
I live forever  
Remember me

"Remember me  
Remember... me..."

"No Bella. You could get hurt," Jazz said concerned.

"He won't hurt me!" I snapped and they let him go. Edward stayed in the same position. "Come on," I said motioning him with my hand. I started walking along and I knew he was following. Once we were a safe yet good distance away from the rest of the Cullen's we started. I turned to look at him and his dazzling eyes even amber made me melt on the spot. "Edward," I said in a quiet but firm voice, "tell me your story."

He sighed and began…

Read and Review, or you don't have to review just read.

xoxo Jane.


	7. Fix You

**Dear Readers, Fans, Haters and Satan's,**

**I know I haven't updated in a bit but I have a very good reason. My internet on my laptop was down and I had to work for days to try and repair it. I did but it's very, very slow. In fact it is soooo slow that it makes a snail look like a cheetah plus I have a lot of activities in the day, volleyball, horseback riding club, beach and a bunch of my friends are obsessing to get me to places. Summer is very busy!!! This chapter is dedicated to TwilightFreak-VampireChick because she is one of the most enthusiastic readers that have ever read this story. So to her, here you go….**

**Xoxo Jane.**

Chapter Seven: Fix You

"I can't remember much… it all appears to be a blur. I do though remember meeting Victoria, Josh and Laurent in the forest. I don't remember how I got there or where I was going but I felt really hurt because of something but I just don't know what. They told me that they would teach me a new way of life and I felt compelled to listen to them. The taste of human blood was amazing and I lived like that for weeks until we were hunting and I came upon a scent unparallel to anything else I have ever smelled in my life, you. I wanted to kill you but for some reason I stopped and I couldn't. I can't remember why though… I just couldn't kill you and you knew who I was even though all I knew was your name. Then I got so frustrated and I attacked you. As much as I tried to brutally kill you every time I aimed for you my movements slowed and got softer as if by instinct." He sighed. "The smell of your blood right now is so amazingly delicious… but I can't hurt you… I just can't." He whispered.

I smiled slightly, glad that he was unable to, knowing that we were destined for each other and that he still cared, deep down he had an instinct to protect me and be with me but he just couldn't remember. "What do you know about the Cullen's?" I asked.

"Uh… nothing… I don't recall ever seeing them in my life."

That was a slight problem. He needed to remember. He had to especially since her grew up with them. "Carlisle was the one who made you a vampire in the early twentieth century. You were dying of Spanish Influenza. Your mother was already dead and Carlisle was said to do the same to you as what had happened to him and he did. He saved your life."

Edward stood next to me listening as I told him the stories, refreshing his mind. "Jasper and Alice came together. Jasper used to be in a war in the south and Alice found out last year when I was attacked by James, when you saved me, that she was in an asylum and it was always dark. Esme jumped off a cliff wanting to die because her baby was dead. Carlisle found her in the hospital and saved her, biting her. Rosalie was your first sister, found by Carlisle after being tortured by her fiancé that she never married and then Emmett came along as well… Don't you remember any of this?" I asked.

He shook his head mournfully. I was desperate. "Please Edward! You have to! Don't you remember what we had together? Forever and Always? Isn't that what you told me? One of the thousand promises you broke! After saving me from James promising to stay. Then after saving me from Jasper you leave with the promise that it would be as if you never existed! Well it wasn't like that! I was torn and broken for MONTHS then my hero came along and also your well known enemy Jacob! He swept me off my feet but it was never the same! You were the one who I wanted and I missed you as if you had taken my heart wherever you were! Then you come back… breaking yet another promise! DOES ANY OF THIS RING A BELL?!" I screamed.

"Do not yell at me!" He snapped. "And no I don't remember any of it!"

I took a deep calming breath. In… out… in… out… "You have to remember," I whispered.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry but I don't."

I turned and ran back toward the Cullen house ignoring the burning pain in my ankle. Alice's arms caught me first. I began sobbing miserably in her arms. "He doesn't remember," I bawled.

"Sh, sh, sh…" She murmured. "It'll come back to him."

I stood there in her cool steel arms until darkness took over…

***

I woke up and sat up, looking around Edward's room. I was once more on the large gold bed. I reached down and took out my I-pod and player. Flipping through the songs I turned on Forever and Always by Taylor Swift.

"_Once upon a time I believe it was a Tuesday  
When I caught your eye  
We caught onto something_ (We did, so strongly)_  
I hold into the night  
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me _(Best thing that ever happened to me)

"_Were you just kidding cause it seems to me  
This thing is breaking down  
We almost never speak  
I don't feel welcome anymore  
Baby what happened? Please tell me_ (You would but you FORGOT) _  
Cause a second it was perfect and now you're halfway out the door_

"_And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called  
And you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all_ (The pain you inflicted is nothing compared to what you did to me)_  
And you flashback to when he said forever and always_ (Not as long as I thought it would be)

"_Oh oh_

"_And it rains in your bedroom  
And everything is wrong_ (It is, we are supposed to be and now…)_  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
Cause I was there when you said forever and always_

"_Was I out of line?_ (Did I do something?)_  
Did I see something way to honest?_ (I found the truth and told you everything. Let you in.)_  
Did you run and hide like a scared little boy_ (Run away from me after Jake?)_  
I looked into your eyes  
Thought I knew you for a minute now I'm not so sure _(The red? Did that have to happen? Couldn't you have prevented it?)

"_So here's to everything coming down to nothing _(Nothing, zip, zero) _  
Here's to silence, it cuts me to the core_ (Honestly, if you could tell me something good it would be great)_  
Where is this going?_ (Path unknown)_  
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore _(Not who I thought you were)

"_And I stare at the phone he still hasn't called  
And you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all  
And you flashback to when he said forever and always_

"_It rains in your bedroom and everything is wrong  
And it rains when you're here and it rain when you're gone  
Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
Didn't mean it baby  
I don't think so_

"_Oh hoh_

"_Oh back up baby back up  
Did you forget everything?_ (Though I don't want it to be true… yes you did!)_  
Back up baby back up  
Did you forget everything?_

"_You see it rains in your bedroom and everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
Oh I stare at the phone he still hasn't called  
And you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all  
And you flashback to when we said forever and always_

"Cause it rains when you're better and everything is wrong  
It rains when in your bedroom and it rains when you're gone  
Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
Didn't mean it baby (No you didn't. Another lie)_  
You said forever and always."_ I sighed as the song ended, letting my frustrations seep into the words. It wasn't fair! I hated them! Bitterly hated them for turning Edward into this… thing! Damn them to the deepest pits of hell!

Someone knocked on my door. I groaned… "Come in!"

Edward walked in, not breathing, and sat down next to me. "You have a very beautiful singing voice," he murmured.

I smiled at his shyness around me. He used to be more bold with me. "Thanks," I said.

"Listen, I really am trying to remember and make up for whatever mistakes I made. When I do remember I promise you that I will make up for it because according to you I did something horrible which I am sorry for."

I pondered about it for a bit then said, "I will only accept your apology when you actually remember what you did."

"Can you sing me a song?" He asked shyly after a moment of silence.

I blushed immediately and he loudly sucked in air. "It doesn't make it easier that you blush like that."

"Sorry," I said. "It's just that you never asked something like that of me and I have never really sung in front of many people except for the one time I ranted at you and then in front of the pack."

"Please," He said looking into my eyes, smoldering me the way that I loved. My heart picked up the pace and I nodded.

I flipped through the songs.

"_When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse_

"And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

"Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

"And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

"Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

"Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...

"Tears stream down on your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...

"Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you." He smiled when I finished.

"That was…" He struggled to find the right words, "Beautiful, like woven silver and gold with the gentlest touch."

I never compared it to something like that before.

"Can you explain one thing to me about the past? Tell me one thing."

"There was that time you saved me from a van before it had the chance to hit me. I remember you telling me later that at the time before you saved all you were thinking was, 'Not her'." I whispered recalling the memory. "Then all your mood swings." I laughed without humor. "Telling me you weren't a good friend and how you were the bad guy." I was flying through the memories in my head now. They were being thrown at me almost. "Then…" I whispered, "There was the first time you kissed me." Agony layered my tone, making it thick.

He edged closer to me wiping the tears that were falling off my cheeks. Electrical current raced though my body at his touch. I nearly flinched away from his touch. He seemed to notice and picked me up gently, cradling me in his chest. I fit there so perfectly. I wanted to stay there forever, until he figured it out.

I don't know how long we stayed like that but I know that if world war three broke out we wouldn't notice. Suddenly Alice came bursting in. "Oh my god! Tanya, Kate and Irene just dropped in for a visit."

I looked up at Edward's face and I saw the intuition flicker in his eyes. He remembered them. He put me down and together we walked down the stairs. When we got down the strawberry blonde turned to him. "Edward!" She squealed.

I froze as I saw the look on his face. It was the look he had when he used to look at me… the look of falling… in love.


	8. Breathe

Chapter Eight: Breathe

I stared at Edward astounded. It was just my imagination, I kept telling myself though it was a lie and lying to myself never got me anywhere.

He smiled at her crookedly, that was my smile, the one that made my heart melt and go light lightheaded from not breathing. I balled my hands into fists having the sudden impulse to hit something or someone.

Tanya smiled, "See something you like?"

"Definitely," he murmured as he held out his hand for hers. She placed her hand in his and he kissed it like a prince would to a princess. I could feel all eyes in the room fall on me.

Alice walked over to me and stood next to me or more so in front of me, taking my hand reassuringly. Tanya and Edward walked out of the room never breaking each other gaze. I focused on breathing… in… out… in… out… "He just can't remember Bella. Don't worry we'll make sure it works out for you two somehow."

I nodded, "Alice what do you see? Right now, what's going to happen to me?"

She didn't answer though I look of deep grief crossed her wonderful eyes. It was enough for me to be able to tell that right now my future wasn't pretty. I tore my hand from hers.

"Bella –" She started but I shook my head.

"You see him with her, don't you?!" I screamed at her, tears brimming my eyes.

"No Bella," she said, "it's not like that."

"Then what's it like?!" I yelled, tears pooling over.

She didn't answer again and instead she simply looked away. I raced up the stairs behind me and walked into _his_ room and slammed the door. I launched myself onto the bed and started crying. I didn't want to live like this anymore. I couldn't take it. I screamed at myself, cursing loudly, throwing pillows at the wall and tearing the bed sheets with all my might. In the end of my temper tantrum not a single pillow was left with feathers. They were scattered everywhere in the room and the CD's off Edward's bookshelf imbedded in the wall. None of the CD's were broken, I didn't have the heart to do that much but some of the cases were cracked. No one came in to check what was going on though. Through all that no one came up and I was actually glad for the solitude.

I walked out of the room and looked out the window. The silver Volvo was backing up out of the drive. Edward was up in the front with Tanya next to him. I watched him drive away down the winding forest path, accelerating too quickly.

I slowly sauntered back to my room and sat down on the edge of the bed. I grabbed my I-pod and sifted through the songs. I sat down, flipped through my songs and put on Breathe by Taylor Swift.

"_I see your face in my mind as you drive away_ (Like looking at myself in the mirror)_  
None of us thought it was going to end that way_ (We were supposed to be perfect…)_  
People are people and sometimes we change our minds _(I understand that)_  
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_ (Years, Edward, Years and you didn't even leave the fair way)

"_Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm_

"_The music starts playing like the end of a sad movie  
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see_ (No, even I don't want to know what it is)_  
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down  
Now I don't know what to be without you around_

"_And we know it's never simple, never easy_ _  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me_ (My parents don't even know I'm alive, the Cullen's keep their distance) _  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

"_And I can't breathe without you but I have to…  
Breathe without you but I have too..._

"_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt  
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve_ (Every flaw you ever seem to think you have I avoided)_  
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out  
Nothing we say is going to save us from the fall out_ (Except maybe some miracle)

"_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

"_And I can't breathe without you but I have to…  
Breathe without you but I have to…_

"_It's too late and feeling like I just lost a friend  
Hoping no it's not easy, easy for me_ (Nothing ever was.)_  
It's too late and feeling like I just lost a friend  
Hoping no this ain't easy, easy for me_

"_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

"_And I can't breathe without you but I have to…  
Breathe without you but I have to  
Breathe without you but I have to_

"_Oooooh…_

"_Sorry, sorry, sorry,_

"_Mhm, yeah_

"_Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."_ This time there was no one to listen to these words, no one to come in and tell me how good I was, like before. I hated myself. He left then I went with Jacob then when he came back and offered and apologized for everything I refused then went out looking for him and caused him to forget me. So now he was off with Tanya, a strawberry blonde, who was not at all his type.

I lay in the bed waiting for him to return. After a few hours I heard the downstairs door open then close and Tanya giggling. I raced downstairs and then looked at them. They were sitting on the couch, their backs to me. Tanya was snuggling up against him and Edward had his arm around her. I looked at the counter. He had left the keys to the Volvo on it. Perfect. I grabbed the keys and raced out of the house.

I drove at top speed begging there were no cops on road until I reached the meadow. It seemed almost like a memory impossible to remember but still very real in my mind. The flowers where scattered everywhere lightly and I remembered the last time I was here with Jacob. I lay down in the centre of the grassy circle letting my thoughts roam free.

Memories suddenly started to flow around me and I forced my mind to open until the dark completely took over and I was lost in my mind…

_I saw several things simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster, and I was able to absorb in clear detail several things at once.  
Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock. But of more immediate importance was the dark blue van that was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the breaks, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot it was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn't even have time to close my eyes.  
Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground…_

I replayed the scene of the car crash in my head.  
_  
It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt bedlam, I could hear more than one person shouting my name. But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Edward Cullen's low frantic voice in my ear. "Bella? Are you alright?"_

That was when another one hit me.

"_Just one theory – I won't laugh."  
"Yes, you will." I was positive about that.  
He looked down, and then glanced up at me through his long black lashes his ocher eyes scorching.  
"Please?" he breathed, leaning toward me.  
I blinked, my mind going blank. Holy crow, how did he __do__ that?  
"Er, what?" I asked, dazed.  
"Please, tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldering at me.  
"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" Was he a hypnotist, too? Or was I just a hopeless pushover?  
"That's not very creative," he scoffed.  
"I'm sorry, that's all I got," I said, miffed.  
"You're not even close," he teased.  
"No spiders?"  
"Nope."  
"And no radioactivity?"  
"None."  
"Dang," I sighed.  
"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either," he chuckled.  
"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"  
He struggled to compose his face.  
"I'll figure it out eventually," I warned him.  
"I wish you wouldn't try." He was serious again.  
"Because…?"  
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" He smiled playfully but his eyes were impenetrable. _

The words he told me months ago or nearly a year ago echoed in my mind. I snapped back to reality with a gust of air in my lungs. I checked my phone which was vibrating next to me violently. I had eight missed calls and all of them were from Edward.


	9. What If

**Dear Readers, Fans, Haters and Satans,**

**I know I haven't posted in a while but please don't get pissed... I'm almost done this story... two or three more chappy's!!!**

**xoxo,**

**Jane**

Chapter Nine: What If

None of the missed calls came with any messages. Immediately I hopped into the Volvo and sped down the road. Memories were flashing through me but now I only heard his voice and all the voices were overlapping.

_"I'm sorry, Bella," he muttered fiercely. "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry."_

_"He's a tracker, Alice, did you __see__ that? He's a tracker!"_

_"There – is – no – other – option!"_

_"Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!"_

_"Carlisle, I…" Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that."_

_"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it," he explained. "Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."_

_"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."_

_"I swear."_

When the car was in front of the house I was crying. The lies he told me, all the lies. The promises he'd broken. I gripped the wheel of the car desperately trying to pull myself together. It was another five whole minutes when I calmed down enough to get out of the car. I walked into the house that was a living nightmare to me and into the main room.

Edward looked up at me his eyes processing something. He didn't say anything. I scanned the rest of the room and no one was there.

"Well, you called like ten times. What do you want?" I asked, coldly.

"Where were you?" he asked quietly.

"Why does it matter? It's not like you care anyways."

"I remembered a few things clear as crystal while you were gone," he said softly almost inaudibly.

"Really? Like what?" This could not be happening.

"I saved you from a car crash and you were guessing what I was with this like being bitten by a radioactive spider. It seemed like it was from another life, a happier one."

"It is. Those are the flashbacks I had," I whispered.

"You opened your mind to me. You let everything go and dropped whatever immunity you had to us. How did you do it?"

"I don't know. I haven't wanted to remember you forever I thought I threw all those memories out of me, blocked them out. I didn't want them anymore but… oh god…" I sat down covering my hands with my face, welcoming the blackness. Edward was at my side in an instant hugging me. "No," I said firmly shoving him.

I got up and walked up to his room or rather now it was mine and flipped through songs. _Here we go again_… I thought to myself.

"_I throw all of your stuff away  
I'm gonna clear you out of my head  
I tear you out of my heart  
And ignore all your messages  
_

"_I tell everyone we are through  
'Cause I'm so much better without you  
But it's just another pretty lie  
'Cause I break down  
Every time you come around  
O Oh O Oh_

"_So how did you get here under my skin?  
I swore that I'd never let you back in  
Should have known better in trying to let you go  
'Cause here we go go go again  
_

"_Hard as I try I know I can't quit  
Something about you  
is so addictive  
We're falling together  
you'd think that by now I'd know  
cause here we go go go again_

_"You never know what you want  
And you never say what you mean  
But I start to go insane  
Every time that you look at me  
You only hear half of what I say  
And you're always showing up too late  
And I know that I should say goodbye  
But it's no use  
Can't be with or without you  
O Oh O Oh_

"_So how did you get here under my skin?  
I swore that I'd never let you back in  
Should have known better in trying to let you go  
Cause here we go go go again  
_

"_Hard as I try I know I can't quit  
Something about you is so addictive  
We're falling together you'd think that by now I'd know  
Cause here we go go go again  
And again, and again, and again, and again, and again  
_

"_I threw all of your stuff away  
And I cleared you out of my head  
And I tore you out of my heart  
O oh o oh, o oh o oh_

_"So how did you get here under my skin?  
I swore that I'd never let you back in  
Should have known better in trying to let you go  
Cause here we go go go again  
_

"_Hard as I try I know I can't quit  
Something about you is so addictive  
We're falling together you'd think that by now I'd know  
Cause here we go go here we go again  
Here we go again  
Should have known better in trying to let you go  
'Cause here we go go go again_

"_Again (and again, and again)  
Again (and again, and again)  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again  
And again…" _As soon as I stopped singing and on cue another song started…

"_Don't speak, I can't believe  
This is here happening  
Our situation isn't right  
Get real, who you playing with?  
I never thought he'd be like this  
You were supposed to be there by my side_

__

"When you say that you want me  
I just don't believe it  
You're always ready to give up  
Whenever I turn around

"What if I need you baby?  
Would you even try to save me?  
Or would you find some lame excuse  
To never be true  
What if I said I loved you?  
Would you be the one to run to?  
Or would you watch me walk away  
Without a fight

"I'm so sick of worrying  
That you're gonna quit over anything  
I could trip and you'd let go like that  
And everything that we ever were  
Seems to fade but not the hurt  
Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

"When I say that I want you  
You know that I mean it  
And in my hour of weakness  
There's still time to try

"What if I need you baby?  
Would you even try to save me?  
Or would you find some lame excuse  
To never be true  
What if I said I loved you?  
Would you be the one to run to?  
Or would you watch me walk away  
Without a fight

"Every time I speak you try to stop me  
Cause every little thing I say is wrong  
You say you're noticing but you never see  
This is who I really am, that you can't believe  
Makes me want to know right now  
If it's me you'll live without  
Or would you change your mind  
What if I need you?

"But What if I need you baby?  
Would you even try to save me?  
Or would you find some lame excuse  
To never be true  
What if I said I loved you?  
Would you be the one to run to?  
Or would you watch me walk away  
Without a…

_"Oh baby what if I need you? (What if I need you?)  
Yeah yeah, What If I need you?  
What if I need, what if I need you?  
What If I need you? (Oh) What if I need you?  
Yeah, what if I need you?  
I need you, you, you…"_ That's when the voice of argument trailed upstairs.

"Tanya I want you to leave," Edward's voice said, hard and cold. I shivered slightly.

"I want many things in life Edward but sadly I don't get them all," she replied, sounding bored.

"Tanya leave," I heard puny Alice growl so threateningly that I swear my insides were squirming and I was pinned to the wall in fear.

It appeared to have the same affect on Tanya and I heard the door downstairs slam. I turned to go back to the bedroom when Alice appeared out of nowhere. I didn't have time to argue before I was downstairs.

"We need you to open your mind," Alice ordered. "So we can get everything back to normal."

"I don't know how I did it though," I whispered.

"Where were you?" Jasper asked walking into the room.

"I was at the meadow," I told him. "And I just sort of let go."

Edward grabbed car keys off the counter, grabbed me and pulled me to the Vanquish outside. We were at the meadow before we could even start a decent conversation. I got out of the car and just like the first time he ran back to my truck from the meadow, he picked me up so that I could wrap my legs around him, piggybacking, and then closed my eyes. We were in the meadow in a split second. I got off his back and headed to the centre of the field.

Rain was starting to fall lightly, sprinkling the meadow with its moisture. The flowers sprouted everywhere and the grass was a mystical deep green. I sighed lying down in the centre, the rain seeping through the cotton hoody I was wearing, oozing through my jeans. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through the grass and with one subtle gasp of breath I let go…


End file.
